Monday, October 4, 2010

The word says it all.


Yes, that's right. It's what you think it is. After all this time, all the days when we felt like we couldn't do it any more but still held on, all the times we got kicked, hit, peed on, or cursed at... Going on four months of hanging in there with this amazing child in hopes he can begin to heal...  After all this time, at a time when we're finally feeling like we can do this... like we are no longer in crisis mode and we're actually holding our heads well above the water... when Big Guy is finally making some progress...

...We could lose him.

We haven't gotten any clear answers but we don't think Big Guy made the allegation, we think it's the school reporting that he had visible injuries (which he sustained when we tried to keep him from throwing things at us and hurting us... and which we immediately reported to the school social worker and to CPS). If that's true, then they probably did the right thing by reporting it - It should have been a red flag for them. But that doesn't make this less scary. Our family hangs in the balance, its destiny decided by an investigator who doesn't know our family (and doesn't know a lot about Big Guy's case). We are lucky enough to have our caseworker, therapist, etc in our corner. They have all seen his tantrums, seen how violent he can get, and seen how we handle them. They all think we're doing a great job. Our caseworker seems to think her opinion will weigh heavily on the final outcome. I hope she's right.

We could lose him. But it's not us that I'm worried about. It's him. It's Big Guy who has everything to lose, because CPS says the next step for him is Residential Treatment.

I have no idea what to expect of the investigation. I know they already tried to talk to him at school but he says he didn't talk to them because he didn't want to miss class (!)

Pardon my language, but screw this. The last thing we needed was this anxiety and fear, when we were finally feeling some semblance of calm at times in our home and our hearts.

Please pray for this sweet boy, who deserves to stay with a stable family who doesn't give up on him, not an institution.

NOTE: This entry may self-destruct if I decide it was stupid to post about this.


  1. We just went through this last week and I wrote about it on my blog this morning. I pray that you have the same kind of outcome that we did. I am so sorry to hear that yet another family is going through this.

  2. All my best to you and Big Guy. In my case the allegation was SO SILLY (though not as silly as when Sabrina's mom called 911 because my car was dirty) that even the investigator admitted that the conversation with me was practically just a formality. Not that I didn't freak out about it.

  3. Kari - Thank you. My first reaction to your post was "OMG, OMG! She's BEEN THERE! We are not alone!" Your situation sounds exactly like ours, it's kind of crazy. What kind of record does the allegation stay on? Not a background check, right? Do you think I shouldn't be posting this stuff on my blog? I don't use my real name or location so I don't know how someone would find us, but if someone involved with the case read this they'd know who we were because of certain unique aspects of our case. I don't think I post anything here that would get us in trouble and our CW likes us, but still. The thing is, I need the support so bad. It's scary having to balance privacy vs. support while dealing with something so upsetting.

    How crazy that your kid was diagnosed with PANDAS _ Big Guy's therapist just told us about a kid he works with who has it. He's on antibiotics but they dont know if they'll work. What a scary diagnosis - Is your kid being treated for it? My DP has low platelets from an autoimmune disease and her bruises are insane, and she rarely knows where she's gotten them. In our case, his scratches looked worse than they were because he has brown skin and they turned white.

    Foster Ima - What's scary is he does have marks on him that, while totally accidental, ARE from us. We've been honest with the caseworker, school social worker, etc about it from the get-go. They know he can be very aggressive and that sometimes he gets himself hurt by doing that. For instance, if you try to block him from leaving his room because he's acting unsafely, he'll headbut until he hits his head against the door. Or he starts throwing stuff and we have to grab it out of his hand. Etc, etc. We've documented or asked the CW to document things as much as possible. I can't believe her mom called because the car was dirty - Insane! Is she mentally ill? I don't remember why Sabrina's not with her.

  4. Two posts: (episode 87)

  5. So sorry you are going through this. We have been there twice with two different kids and two different (totally) situations. It is really good that you have the caseworker and therapist on your side. That counts for alot usually. Be clear and honest in your responses during the interview. Don't be defensive and stress that it was for everyone's safety, especially his. Be clear that you are working on strategies that keep him safe and only resort to physical contact of any kind to keep him from hurting self or others.(My son bruises if you barely touch him. Not kidding. I once hugged him tightly (lovingly!)and he had red marks on both his arms! So we even have to worry about that.) Once it was over for us we sat everyone down and talked about the safety of our family and how that gets compromised if we don't tell the truth (one of our allegations came from our child.) but we stressed that it was the child making the allegations that could be the most harmed if s/he were removed. We especially have that fear here in TX where we don't know caseworkers, therapists and are the only two-mom family anyone around here knows! I am thinking of you. Please feel free to email if I can be more helpful!

  6. Yuck! Sorry you're going through this. Hugs.

  7. Can you email me? My email address is on my blog.

    Hang in there!


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