Thursday, August 26, 2010

From bad to worse.

I love this kiddo so much. But we are this close to giving up. We feel like we're in way over our heads right now. I feel resentful at The Agency for putting a kid who needed a therapeutic foster home in with non-therapeutic first time foster parents. I am angry at the people who caused this beautiful little boy to have all these problems. I am sad that we have to worry that we can't do this any more. The bottom line is, we cannot keep missing this much work. This child requires two adults to keep him (and the house, and us) safe when he is having a tantrum, and we cannot provide that when we both go back to work. I am so terrified. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone, in a way I've never loved anything. I want the best for him, he deserves only good things in life. But this child's violent rages are so much beyond what we "signed up for" (a joke of a phrase in the foster world) and are putting our jobs, our home, and our bodies in danger. I called The Agency today and said they needed to find a way to provide more supports if they want this placement not to disrupt. I never dreamed I would even be saying the word "disrupt." But if we cannot keep him safe, then we are not the right foster family for him. We are not giving up - We are keeping trying. We are giving all the professionals and opportunity to put a better support system in place for us. I just don't know if they can.

In the past few days:
-I got punched in the eye (thank G-d for glasses, and 70-pound weaklings), on purpose but I don't think he really wanted to hurt me
-I got kicked in the shin, on purpose
-I got hit repeatedly with pieces of plastic, on purpose
-The crib and the changing table have almost been broken, on purpose
-The fan and overhead light have almost been broken, on purpose
-A lightbulb was shattered, on purpose
-The screen in his window was almost pushed out
-Dents were made all over his walls, using the plastic top of a humidifier
-Sarah's been hit hard in the middle of the head with a piece of metal
-Sarah's been cursed at over and over and over
-I've hurt my (already bad) back trying to drag him into his room when he's refusing to stop breaking things
-We've had him threaten to tell The Agency we're abusing him, over and over

And so on, and so forth. This is just a part of the list. The hardest part to wrap my head around is the sweet, angelic, lovely child he is when he's not raging.

I want this to work.

I want this to work.

I want this to work.

But I don't know if this can work.


  1. I have nothing of substance to offer, but I just want to say that I feel for you all. I hope you guys get the support that you need and that Big Guy deserves so that this can work. It's so unfair to all of you to be basically set up to fail. I'm thinking of you and wishing for all good things.

  2. ugh ugh ugh. i really, really, really hope help comes. in the meantime, praying for you.

  3. Oh my gosh - plse call me if you need to just vent or if you want ideas. We've been there and we came out the other side. Beaten up a bit. We also have lots of friends who are going through this. I will email you my digits. I am travelling. I don't mind talking about this stuff with kids in the car because we talk about this stuff all of the time.

  4. Oooooh I wish these kids would stop testing foster parents!!! I tell my oldest now, and I mean it, that I appreciated her honesty. I am so glad that she showed me what she was feeling and that she was so afraid. I am forever grateful that she uses her words now. I am also so impressed that she learned how to protect herself - inside and out. Am forever grateful that she doesn't need so much protection now. Big, big hugs to both of you. Thinking about you guys.

  5. I wish we could lend you some support ourselves. You've tried incredibly hard. `Hope you're hanging in there.

  6. How is this week going so far? I hope it's better than you feared!

  7. There's a group of foster moms who have been there and can help - just drop them a line or call them:

  8. I think you'll like this. I'm sharing with all of my foster parent friends and I forgot to share this with you. It's a mom who does videos on parenting kids with attachment issues://


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